Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
