Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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