Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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