There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you win again, gameday.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
