I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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