I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
