Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
