a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
