In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
