This is not my ceiling
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
