let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
