i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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