that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
