If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
