Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
