no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
