Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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