first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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