sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize