i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
