i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
