My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize