I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
