Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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