I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
