don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
