dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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