I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
