Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
