i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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