sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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