The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
