Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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