i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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