apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
