I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
