I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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