she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize