Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
