fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
