fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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