The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
