There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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