i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
