I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
