READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
