FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
