do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
