i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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