hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
