Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
