OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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