I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
