Don't make out with my wife yet
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
