I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
