should my penis look like a turkey
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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