please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
