I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
