Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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