im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
