okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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