god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize