the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
