laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
