when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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