he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
