Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
