wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
