it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
and she was petting her beer can
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wear drunk well.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
