the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
