My Higher Power is John Stamos
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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