I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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