I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
