Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
