i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
