I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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