He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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