and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Damn victory sex feels great
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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