forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i think i have two assholes
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
