John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize