Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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