Christians are straight up FREAKS
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
