I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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