Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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