# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Found your dick twin last night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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