I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
