Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
