His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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