Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
