U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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