how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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