I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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