He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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