Too much gin, very little bucket
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
