as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
