in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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