mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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