I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
