My sheets look like a crime scene.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
