6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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